Eclipse Drill

I was roused from my bed before dawn this morning and summoned to the living room to take part in Wilson's Eclipse Drill — a safety exercise designed to ensure that everyone knows what to expect during the eclipse, thus avoiding any distress or panic.

The drill consisted of everyone donning their Eclipse Safety Glasses and looking at the ceiling light while Wilson switched it on and off. Several times.

Once he was satisfied that all would be well, he ushered us out into the garden to witness the Big Event itself. As we filed out he wished us all a Very Happy Eclipsmas!

Tomorrow I shall post dramatic photos taken at what W calls 'the Moment of Maximum Eclipsity.'

Safety glasses

An interesting-looking parcel arrived this morning, addressed to Wilson. He took it into the living room and opened it to reveal several pairs of Eclipse Goggles he'd ordered on-line in preparation for tomorrow's Solar Eclipse.

He handed one pair to me and gave the rest to the Johnson Brothers, Antony and Tiny Toy, asking them to distribute a pair to everyone — and also to pass on the message that he would be holding a 'safety rehearsal' shortly, so that no-one would be scared by the actual eclipse.

I don't think anyone had been nervous about the prospect of the eclipse... until he mentioned that fear was a possible reaction.

Rare Astronomical event is foretold

Wilson was watching The Sky At Night recently and heard about the upcoming Solar Eclipse this Friday — he's very excited by this rare event and is reading up on how they work, why they're so uncommon and so on.

Perhaps when he was closeted in his Museum he was converting it into a Solar Observatory? 

There's no sign of it having a domed roof yet, but who can tell...

Recovery position

After his fainting spell yesterday, Wilson has assumed what he calls the 'Recovery Position' — which is lying on the sofa eating snacks provided by his 'Nursing Staff' (Polly and Billi) — while he reconsiders his career path.

Having turned his back on the medical profession, he's watching back episodes of Lewis on tv and says that being a Detective is quite appealing, but he might prefer to be a Consulting Detective like his hero Mr Sherlock Holmes. 

A further complication is that he read recently that The Pope is considering retiring. W really wanted that job last time it was vacant, and was pretty upset not to even get an interview…

Training video

This morning Wilson was in the living room watching one of what he calls his 'Medical Training Videos' — probably an episode of Doc Martin, a comfortable drama about a family doctor — while I sat quietly with a mug of coffee in the kitchen, reflecting that I'm sure he isn't getting up to anything irresponsible in his Museum. 

I've often found him out there furtively reading copies of New Scientist magazine and getting into a state about 'Reality' and 'Alternative Universes,' so an unhealthy interest in magic seems very unlikely.

I was rudely roused from my musings when the bees rushed in to tell me that Wilson had passed out!

Turns out he wasn't watching Doc Martin but CR:IT:IC:AL — an extremely realistic drama about a Trauma Unit — and had fainted at the first sight of internal organs.

Perhaps I should consider setting up the Parental Lock on the Sky+ Box…

Dabbling in the Occult

Yesterday the bees borrowed an old radio from Wilson's 'Museum.' W seemed quite upset by this, and today he asked them whether 'anything had happened' while they were in there. He seemed reassured by their negative reply, but scuttled off and shut himself inside.

I don't know what he's been up to in there, but he's certainly very secretive about it. I hope he's not experimenting with the Dark Arts, Dabbling in the Occult. 

At the first sign of a Ouija Board or a Pentagram I shall have a word with him…

When The Beat Drops Out

Returning home from our trip to the Thames Barrier we were surprised to hear loud music coming from the kitchen… but not as surprised as we were by the sight that greeted us as we entered the room: Polly and Billi with their children Johnson and Johnson together with Antony and Tiny Toy were all pogo-ing maniacally while singing at the tops of their little voices, 'When The Bee Jumps Out! When The Bee Jumps Out!'

Wilson at first threw up his arms in horror… before joining in with the dancing and singing.

It transpires they were singing along to Marlon Roudette's hit record 'When The Beat Drops Out' and had mis-heard the lyrics. There aren't many songs written about bees so I didn't disabuse them; instead I promised to buy them a copy from the iTunes Store so they could listen to it whenever they want.

It was an easy mistake to make, though — have a listen yourself and see what I mean:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLRgaU9uUnA

Slide

As we made our way back to the car park Wilson noticed a children's playground overlooking the Thames, and asked to play there for a little while.

Watching him playing was a useful reminder to me that, in spite of his precocity and ambition, he is really just a child, a normal little boy…

When he was finally exhausted we climbed back in the car and drove back to Uckfield — or Ucky, as W calls it.

Model

After some more messing about with the automatic doors as we left the Information Centre, we made our way to a giant cross-sectional scale model of one of the barrier units. 

Scorning the injunction that children should not climb on the structure ('I am not a child, New Dad!') Wilson studied the mechanism for a few minutes before declaring that this would be another ideal site for a snack-vending machine.

In my efforts to distract him, I have inadvertently given him something else to obsess over…

Visitor Centre

There's not many things Wilson likes playing with more than an automatic door, so it was quite a while before we actually got inside the Thames Barrier Information Centre.

Wilson pointed out on the scale model exactly where his improvements would be sited, and explained how I would have to drive up to London at least once a week to replenish his vending machines.

Hmmmm — we'll see about that!

Please don't hesitate to share Wilson's brilliant(!) ideas for improving The Thames Barrier with your friends! Or with your MP, or even random strangers. Your sharing will make an ambitious and enthusiastic young anteater very happy, and who wouldn't want that?
Here's the link: http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

Hot Chocolate and cookies

Once we had seen our fill of the Barrier we headed back to the café for hot chocolate and cookies. 

Wilson started to explain the improvements to the Barrier he envisioned and which he intended to suggest to the Chief Engineer. They all involved the installation of snack vending machines at the observation stations on the riverside walkway — I'm pretty sure he has it in mind to offer to supply the machines with ant-based snacks…

While he was in such an expansive mood I broached the subject of his Museum, enquiring what exactly he was doing in there. 

He immediately changed the subject and gazed out the windows, suddenly fascinated by a passing barge…

Improvements to the Thames Barrier

The Thames Barrier is a huge mechanical Dam which can completely close the River Thames at times of high risk of flooding. It was conceived following the devastating floods of 1953, and although it has been operational since 1982 it is still an impressive sight and popular with tourists.

Wilson examined it closely through the coin-op telescope, and told me that he could see a number of ways in which the Barrier might be improved. 

'I shall write to the Chief Engineer as soon as we get home!' he said.

Thames Barrier

Today dawned warm and sunny, so I banged on the Museum door until Wilson finally opened it. He stood blinking in the sunshine while I told him that I thought he was working too hard and I was going to take him out for a ride in the car to somewhere exciting. 

He offered little or no resistance, and as soon as he was strapped into the passenger seat he fell asleep — not waking until we reached our destination: the Thames Barrier in London.

Night at the Museum

Wilson didn't come in last night, but spent all night working in his Museum. I still don't know what he's up to, but I could see him moving about in there, and there were occasional nerve-grating noises of rusty metal scraping against rusty metal.

I may not know what he's working on, but I do recognise the signs that he's becoming obsessed by something! If the weather's as nice tomorrow as it is today I'm going to insist we go out for a ride in the car to take his mind off whatever it is. 

I'll try to think of somewhere he'll be interested to go…

Secret project

I can't really trust Wilson to do any of the gloss painting with oil-based paint, so I left him to his own devices while I got on with the decorating myself.

I didn't see anything of him all day yesterday, but this morning I caught sight of him leaving The Museum, looking a bit shifty.

When I asked him what he was up to he told me he was working on a Top Secret Project that would take my breath away, but since it was still Top Secret he couldn't reveal any details.

'However,' he added, 'it will make us all rich! RICH!'

He has told me things like this before. 

Usually it means trouble and expense.

Perhaps this will be the exception which proves the rule… but I'm not holding my breath.

Little helpers

Wilson has enlisted the assistance of Antony and Tiny Toy with painting the lowest parts of the walls. 

The bees have declined to let the Johnson Brothers help, on the grounds that they won't be going on holiday to Norfolk, but they're watching and giving advice anyway.

Once Antony and TT had got the hang of what they were supposed to be doing, Wilson departed to watch Judge Rinder on daytime tv. He claims that it's educational, as he might like to be a High Court Judge with his own tv show when he grows up. He said it would be an opportunity to be very funny, rude and sarcastic to people while getting paid for it. 

I think he has a little still to learn about the UK's Legal System.

Or maybe not.

Recovery time

Wilson is 'recovering' from National Ant Day by watching a lot of back-to-back Doc Martin on tv — he says he might be a GP when he grows up.

I have reminded him he won't be going to Norfolk until the decorating is finished, and he replied that he would start work on it again tomorrow. 

'One hundred per cent definitely!' he added. 'Unless anything important crops up, of course...'

King Wilson

Wilson was once again successful in his bid to be Ant King of Uckfield, and has spent today sitting around in his crown, holding his famous 'anting' jam jar and eating honey on toast while relating his adventures to a rapt audience. 

He told me that after yesterday's exertions, decorating was out of the question for today. 

And probably tomorrow as well.

Welcome to the Bees' Blog!

Today we are going to share with you our special secret recipe — which is a great favourite with Wilson!

(For those of you who are concerned, our recipe is nothing like the Baldwin Sisters' Recipe in The Waltons!)

First take a slice of bread and put it in a toaster. Switch the toaster on for 2½ to 3½ minutes, or until the bread has turned into golden brown toast! Mmmm…

Then apply some lovely yellow butter and you are ready for the pièce de résistance, which is French for 'The Best Bit' — spreading on some beautiful golden honey! Don't stint with the honey — be generous and use lots! 

We call this dish 'Honey On Toast,' and if it's a bit complicated for you, or if we went through the recipe too fast, just keep practicing — it will be a firm favourite with the whole family!

Now I am required by a contractual obligation to mention National Ant Day, when Wilson goes out playing with ants or something...

But now for a very serious matter: a massive chemical company is doing something that kills bees, and we need to stop it! Just take a look at this link and see what you think...

http://action.sumofus.org/a/bayer-bees-lawsuit/

Quandary

Wilson is in a terrible quandary… of his own making. He promised the bees that they could guest blog on the first of each month — which is tomorrow — without realising that tomorrow would also be National Ant Day! 

Usually the blog on N.A.Day is all about Wilson triumphing in adversity by eventually catching the first ant of the year and being crowned Ant King of Uckfield. On the other hand, a promise is a promise.

He's spent all morning discussing his dilemma with Antony (and TT, for what that's worth!) and has finally come to a decision.

He called me and the bees into the living room and announced, 'Tomorrow, the bees may blog. It's the right and honourable thing to do. Also, they promised me a bit of their recipe, and said they'd mention National Ant Day.'

Well that's a relief!