Big Brother Finale

It took no time at all to discover why we were back at the hotel so early last night — it was so the boys could watch the Big Brother Finalé. 

Wilson had been hoping Christopher would win, because 'He's a really nice person. For a human, at least!' but once he had been evicted he switched his allegiance to Ashley, because 'She has lovely fur!'

Antony and Tiny Toy had been rooting for Pav as 'He's tiny like us!'

We were all shocked when Helen won! Wilson didn't Tweet about it though, in case she came round to sort him out. Everyone was quite scared of Helen — including me!  

Anyway, now we're off to Bournemouth to visit the aquarium then the funfair!

Antony is exhausted. Or perhaps he's not...

By the time we were finished at the station we were all pretty tired — we'd had a busy and fun-filled day! Wilson said that Antony was nearing exhaustion and we should have dinner soon so A could be put to bed early. Antony protested that he was fine and had been hoping to go clubbing this evening, but W overruled him and we headed back to the hotel to collect Tiny Toy. 

In fact we arrived at the restaurant so early that we were able to take advantage of the Daytime Diners' Discount!

We have another full day tomorrow, when we're going to the funfair and the aquarium in Bournemouth, so I won't be sorry to have an early night. 

In the fulness of time, however, I will get to the bottom of why Wilson is so anxious to get back to the hotel early tonight…

Wilson regrets a decision...

Our journey was brief — just to the next station and back — and once it was over, Wilson began to regret not accepting the driver's invitation on to the footplate. He told me that he'd wanted to go, but it was just so noisy and hot and dangerous-looking he'd been worried that Antony would have been scared. 

Antony immediately said he wouldn't have been at all frightened and it was actually Wilson who had been scared.

Anyway, the next best thing was obviously a ride on a coin-operated engine on the station platform. 

Actually, as it turned out, several £'s worth of rides…

Wilson finds comfy seats...

At long last Wilson found seats that satisfied his strict criteria. He sat down and made himself comfortable, then started waving his Boarding Card, calling 'Bar Service! Bar Service please!' 

This, of course, was entirely in vain, although he did attract a strange look from the Ticket Inspector. He's been unable to use his Boarding Pass since our cruise last year, but that doesn't stop him from trying…

Antony, being very small, couldn't see out the window from his seat so was allowed to sit on the table, as long as he promised to hold on tightly while the train was in motion.

Wilson boards the train. At last.

Following a lengthy selection process Wilson eventually chose a carriage suitable for Antony and himself and boarded the train. 

After posing briefly for a photograph with Antony he then proceeded to procure comfortable window seats for the journey. 

Wilson is a nervous traveller...

Travelling by train, especially a steam train, is a great novelty to Wilson, so both he and Antony were very excited when we arrived at Swanage Railway Station and saw the engines steaming and hissing.

Before boarding, however, W insisted on having a word with the driver and the fireman, questioning them about how long they'd been driving trains, their safety record, the likelihood of a boiler explosion or collision etc before finally consenting to climb aboard one of the First Class carriages. 

Picnic lunch

There's nothing like eating outdoors in the sea air to give you an appetite. 

That's what they say, although no amount of sea air could give me much of an appetite for Wilson's ant-and Quorn sandwiches…

Still, I filled up on them anyway because we've got a full afternoon's activity ahead of us and I shall need all my strength: we're going to Swanage Railway Station!

Wilson invents a good new word...

I don't even know what these things are called that you stick your head through and have your photo taken, but Wilson insisted on having a 'proper family group portrait' taken with one we found on Swanage Pier. 

At first he wanted me to be the Fat Lady but then he thought it would be funnier if tiny little Antony was.

PS: Some time after this picture was taken, Wilson invented a name for them: he says they should be called 'Peek-a-boards' which seems quite a good idea. 

If there are enough of them about to even need a name...

Swanage Pier

At long last we are actually on Swanage Pier! It's a lovely old Victorian pier in a lovely old Victorian town, very picturesque. 

Wilson wishes me to draw your attention not only to his bucket and spade but also Antony's, arranged for your admiration! Antony generously says he'll share his with Tiny Toy; given that he has 100 spades (plastic teaspoons) and 60 buckets (plastic shot-glasses) I think he should be able to spare a couple.

W is wondering whether to splash out on one of those little engraved brass plaques you can see screwed to the decking — it depends, he says, on whether he can fit everyone's name on a single plaque. 

He means everyone's name from his greatly extended family, so I think it's pretty unlikely.

For myself, I shall be happy when Antony climbs down off that railing without mishap and is safely back on the deck...

Wilson sees something unusual through a telescope...

JUST as we were about to go onto Swanage Pier, Wilson spotted a coin-operated telescope. Before I could stop him he'd rushed over and popped £1 into the slot and was peering through it… at the sand. 

I asked what he was looking at and he said he thought he'd seen some sand-ants, Euroleon nostras, which he would quite like with his dinner. 

'On reflection, though,' he said, 'they look a lot bigger through the telescope than when you get them on your plate — I don't think it's worthwhile catching them. Also, they'll be all sandy, and the wings stick to your palate…'

As soon as his £1 runs out I'm going to take him by the paw and lead him straight on to the pier before he finds any other distractions!

Last-minute shopping

We're on our way to Swanage Pier, but Wilson's pocket money is just begging to be spent. 

Accordingly, we stopped off for him and Antony to choose new buckets and spades, and a crabbing net from a little sea-front shop.

The problem, as always, is finding anything small enough for wee Antony, but I think he's spotted a multi-pack of plastic teaspoons and some disposable plastic shot glasses which will do nicely for his bucket and spade!

ATM

One of the most important considerations for any child on holiday, I suppose, is spending money, so as soon as we had parked the car in Swanage, Wilson headed for a Cash Machine to 'get some wedge' as he picturesquely puts it.

W unfailingly forgets his PIN so always takes Antony to the ATM with him so he can whisper it in W's ear at the crucial moment. 

After a few minutes the deal was done and we were heading to the sea front, cash in paw, ready for adventure!

Late breakfast...

Whenever we stay in a hotel we are always last to leave the dining room at breakfast — partly because Wilson is very hard to wake and get down to breakfast in the first place, and partly because he eats so much. He's always asking for more coffee, extra toast, a second Full English with no meat and extra everything else… 

Antony was no trouble, just filling up with honey and jam from the individual pots on the table.

When we eventually get away, we are anticipating a day of fun and adventure in Swanage!

Post-prandial drinks

With dinner over we strolled back to the hotel where we relaxed in the Residents' Lounge. 

Happily, Antony shared Wilson's mojito so I was spared the humiliation of ordering drinks for a stuffed toy who is clearly underage. 

I've told W that he should order drinks and food for Antony and Tiny Toy when we dine out, but he says he'd rather watch my embarrassment!

Tiny Toy was still out for the count and dozed quietly on the coffee table...

Dining out with Antony and TT

We had a lovely dinner in a restaurant almost opposite the hotel. 

Wilson had an omelette (with ants which he'd smuggled in) which he shared with Antony, and I had a delicious pasta dish.

The day had been altogether too much for Tiny Toy, though, who fell fast asleep on the table. 

This is just as well because, to be honest, I do feel a bit stupid ordering food for a tiny stuffed toy. 

I'm happy to do it for Wilson's sake, but I do get some odd looks from the waiting staff…

Waiting for dinner...

When we got back to the hotel we showered (well, I showered then Wilson pretended to shower) then, since it was such a lovely evening, we sat outside in the garden until it was time for dinner. 

Remember your first-ever ice cream?

As soon as we'd finished our coffee Wilson wanted an ice cream. Do all anteaters have unfillable tummies, I wonder? 

Anyway, it was little Antony's first ever ice-cream, so he was very excited and had a bit of a sugar-rush half-way through; five minutes in a brown paper bag calmed him down, though, as usual.

W enjoyed his ice cream too, although he made his customary comments about how his cone was much smaller than the display cone, misleading advertising, contacting the ASA etc.

I've learned to ignore all that by now — it makes life much easier!

This is unbelievable!

Once we arrived in Poole we had lattes with marshmallows (an extravagant habit he's picked up from his friend Miss Julia) in a seafront café. 

This was an entirely novel and unfamiliar experience for little Antony, who doesn't get out much, and he spent a great deal of time reflecting on how huge  and exotic the world is, how many people there are in it and how much he'll have to tell Tiny Toy once he gets back to the hotel. 

'Tiny Toy simply won't believe it!' he squeaked… 'because it's unbelievable! Even I don't believe it!'

☛  If you'd like to share Wilson's adventures with a friend — which would be a GOOD THING TO DO — just send them this link:

http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

Simple!

Wilson thanks you — you've made a young anteater very happy!

We're not going to Jersey!

For his own safety, Tiny Toy is shut in a drawer in the hotel bedroom whenever we go out, although he is permitted to sleep with Antony at night. 

Antony is allowed to accompany us, but Wilson — wary of losing him — keeps counting him. 'One... Ah, okay!'

Today we drove a few miles along the coast to Poole, and Wilson noticed the very same Hydrofoil that took us to Jersey last year. He immediately assumed we were having a surprise trip to the Channel Islands, and Antony began to panic, thinking we'd be going to Jersey without Tiny Toy!

In order to set everyone's mind at rest, dear reader: we are NOT going to Jersey.

Subordination!

We have arrived at the hotel and unpacked our stuff. 

I was in the bathroom when I heard a shocked shriek from Wilson! I rushed out to see what was the matter and found him staring aghast at Antony's little suitcase — Antony has smuggled Tiny Toy on holiday with him! 

TT said it was a relief to be out because he'd hardly been able to breathe amongst all of Antony's clothes, but that it was very exciting to be a stowaway and it was better than being stuck in a clock-making sweatshop.

Wilson said that this was an act of subordination, and he would hold A entirely responsible for TT's safety and wellbeing during our stay in Bournemouth.