Wilson invents a good new word...

I don't even know what these things are called that you stick your head through and have your photo taken, but Wilson insisted on having a 'proper family group portrait' taken with one we found on Swanage Pier. 

At first he wanted me to be the Fat Lady but then he thought it would be funnier if tiny little Antony was.

PS: Some time after this picture was taken, Wilson invented a name for them: he says they should be called 'Peek-a-boards' which seems quite a good idea. 

If there are enough of them about to even need a name...

Swanage Pier

At long last we are actually on Swanage Pier! It's a lovely old Victorian pier in a lovely old Victorian town, very picturesque. 

Wilson wishes me to draw your attention not only to his bucket and spade but also Antony's, arranged for your admiration! Antony generously says he'll share his with Tiny Toy; given that he has 100 spades (plastic teaspoons) and 60 buckets (plastic shot-glasses) I think he should be able to spare a couple.

W is wondering whether to splash out on one of those little engraved brass plaques you can see screwed to the decking — it depends, he says, on whether he can fit everyone's name on a single plaque. 

He means everyone's name from his greatly extended family, so I think it's pretty unlikely.

For myself, I shall be happy when Antony climbs down off that railing without mishap and is safely back on the deck...

Wilson sees something unusual through a telescope...

JUST as we were about to go onto Swanage Pier, Wilson spotted a coin-operated telescope. Before I could stop him he'd rushed over and popped £1 into the slot and was peering through it… at the sand. 

I asked what he was looking at and he said he thought he'd seen some sand-ants, Euroleon nostras, which he would quite like with his dinner. 

'On reflection, though,' he said, 'they look a lot bigger through the telescope than when you get them on your plate — I don't think it's worthwhile catching them. Also, they'll be all sandy, and the wings stick to your palate…'

As soon as his £1 runs out I'm going to take him by the paw and lead him straight on to the pier before he finds any other distractions!

Last-minute shopping

We're on our way to Swanage Pier, but Wilson's pocket money is just begging to be spent. 

Accordingly, we stopped off for him and Antony to choose new buckets and spades, and a crabbing net from a little sea-front shop.

The problem, as always, is finding anything small enough for wee Antony, but I think he's spotted a multi-pack of plastic teaspoons and some disposable plastic shot glasses which will do nicely for his bucket and spade!

ATM

One of the most important considerations for any child on holiday, I suppose, is spending money, so as soon as we had parked the car in Swanage, Wilson headed for a Cash Machine to 'get some wedge' as he picturesquely puts it.

W unfailingly forgets his PIN so always takes Antony to the ATM with him so he can whisper it in W's ear at the crucial moment. 

After a few minutes the deal was done and we were heading to the sea front, cash in paw, ready for adventure!

Late breakfast...

Whenever we stay in a hotel we are always last to leave the dining room at breakfast — partly because Wilson is very hard to wake and get down to breakfast in the first place, and partly because he eats so much. He's always asking for more coffee, extra toast, a second Full English with no meat and extra everything else… 

Antony was no trouble, just filling up with honey and jam from the individual pots on the table.

When we eventually get away, we are anticipating a day of fun and adventure in Swanage!

Post-prandial drinks

With dinner over we strolled back to the hotel where we relaxed in the Residents' Lounge. 

Happily, Antony shared Wilson's mojito so I was spared the humiliation of ordering drinks for a stuffed toy who is clearly underage. 

I've told W that he should order drinks and food for Antony and Tiny Toy when we dine out, but he says he'd rather watch my embarrassment!

Tiny Toy was still out for the count and dozed quietly on the coffee table...

Dining out with Antony and TT

We had a lovely dinner in a restaurant almost opposite the hotel. 

Wilson had an omelette (with ants which he'd smuggled in) which he shared with Antony, and I had a delicious pasta dish.

The day had been altogether too much for Tiny Toy, though, who fell fast asleep on the table. 

This is just as well because, to be honest, I do feel a bit stupid ordering food for a tiny stuffed toy. 

I'm happy to do it for Wilson's sake, but I do get some odd looks from the waiting staff…

Waiting for dinner...

When we got back to the hotel we showered (well, I showered then Wilson pretended to shower) then, since it was such a lovely evening, we sat outside in the garden until it was time for dinner. 

Remember your first-ever ice cream?

As soon as we'd finished our coffee Wilson wanted an ice cream. Do all anteaters have unfillable tummies, I wonder? 

Anyway, it was little Antony's first ever ice-cream, so he was very excited and had a bit of a sugar-rush half-way through; five minutes in a brown paper bag calmed him down, though, as usual.

W enjoyed his ice cream too, although he made his customary comments about how his cone was much smaller than the display cone, misleading advertising, contacting the ASA etc.

I've learned to ignore all that by now — it makes life much easier!

This is unbelievable!

Once we arrived in Poole we had lattes with marshmallows (an extravagant habit he's picked up from his friend Miss Julia) in a seafront café. 

This was an entirely novel and unfamiliar experience for little Antony, who doesn't get out much, and he spent a great deal of time reflecting on how huge  and exotic the world is, how many people there are in it and how much he'll have to tell Tiny Toy once he gets back to the hotel. 

'Tiny Toy simply won't believe it!' he squeaked… 'because it's unbelievable! Even I don't believe it!'

☛  If you'd like to share Wilson's adventures with a friend — which would be a GOOD THING TO DO — just send them this link:

http://antwars2.blogspot.co.uk/

Simple!

Wilson thanks you — you've made a young anteater very happy!

We're not going to Jersey!

For his own safety, Tiny Toy is shut in a drawer in the hotel bedroom whenever we go out, although he is permitted to sleep with Antony at night. 

Antony is allowed to accompany us, but Wilson — wary of losing him — keeps counting him. 'One... Ah, okay!'

Today we drove a few miles along the coast to Poole, and Wilson noticed the very same Hydrofoil that took us to Jersey last year. He immediately assumed we were having a surprise trip to the Channel Islands, and Antony began to panic, thinking we'd be going to Jersey without Tiny Toy!

In order to set everyone's mind at rest, dear reader: we are NOT going to Jersey.

Subordination!

We have arrived at the hotel and unpacked our stuff. 

I was in the bathroom when I heard a shocked shriek from Wilson! I rushed out to see what was the matter and found him staring aghast at Antony's little suitcase — Antony has smuggled Tiny Toy on holiday with him! 

TT said it was a relief to be out because he'd hardly been able to breathe amongst all of Antony's clothes, but that it was very exciting to be a stowaway and it was better than being stuck in a clock-making sweatshop.

Wilson said that this was an act of subordination, and he would hold A entirely responsible for TT's safety and wellbeing during our stay in Bournemouth. 

Ferrari!

Before we reached Bournemouth we stopped off in Lyndhurst in the New Forest for some lunch. 

Although Lyndhurst is a tiny, picturesque village, there is a famous Ferrari dealership there, and Wilson wanted me to take his picture standing next to one of the cars, looking as though he owned it.

One of the salesmen came out and W asked him whether it would do 200mph. The salesman smiled and enquired whether we'd like to take it for a test drive to find out, and I just managed to decline before Wilson accepted. 

The salesman told us to enjoy looking, but would we try not to get paw-prints on the paintwork…

We're off to the Big City of Sin!

We are all packed for our holiday in sunny Bournemouth and we'll be leaving in a few minutes! 

Wilson has left everyone in the kitchen busy making-up Mk2 WASTE clocks on a sort of production line, with strict instructions that the first consignment must be completed by the time we return. 

He's just taken Antony in to say goodbye to a very disappointed Tiny Toy. TT isn't allowed to accompany us on our getaway because W is afraid that Antony will lose him somewhere. Bournemouth is a big, dangerous city where a teeny-weeny stuffed toy would not be safe. 

Actually, he's quite worried about taking Antony there for the same reason.

Tiny Toy fears he might become an orphan!

Wilson sniffed pointedly and raised one eyebrow.  

Antony shuffled and coughed a little before amending his narrative.

'Well, her exact words were "We'll see" which — as everyone knows — means Yes, Definitely!'

'Of course it does, dear' Polly assured him, giving him a peck on the cheek, before going to comfort Tiny Toy who had burst into tears at the thought of losing his daddy to the lure of the bright lights of Show Business.

Wilson muttered to me that he just hopes Antony doesn't start calling everyone Daaahling!

Antony reveals his true vocation!

Antony, unused to being the centre of attention, was a tad nervous as he told everyone about his adventures in Theatreland.

'It was all about this little girl called Thumbelina, and she was as little as I am,' he began.

Wilson nodded approvingly as Antony continued outlining the plot, the music, the dancing etc. Then he started to describe his meeting with Miss Julia, the choreographer:

'We had coffee together and she said she was pleased to meet me. Well, very pleased, actually! Then I told her how much I had enjoyed the show and how I would like to be in showbiz, and she smiled.'

Wilson nodded again as Antony continued.

'Then I asked her if I could be Thumbelina if they ever did it again, and she said "Yes!" Well, she said "Yes definitely — the part's yours, you'd be perfect!" actually.'

W sniffed and raised one eyebrow.

Wilson meets Miss Julia!

When the show was over, Antony said it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen in his entire life — he had laughed, he had cried, he had even fainted with excitement at one point (when the Black Widow Spider appeared unexpectedly)… He may be only a stuffed toy anteater, but he is a very emotional stuffed toy anteater.

Standing outside the theatre Wilson was quite overawed to see the young dancers and singers milling around in groups or with their parents, and asked several of them for their autographs. 

Then he went for coffee with his friend Miss Julia, who had choreographed the production, and he introduced a very nervous and star-struck Antony to her.

A keen sense of anticipation...

It wasn't long before Wilson led us into the auditorium so we would 'avoid the last-minute rush.'  

Embarrassingly, he keeps waving his Cruise Boarding Pass and calling out, 'Bar Service, please!' to any passing the usherette.

I'm not certain Antony really needed his own ticket, but it's all in a good cause. He's very excited, and W has already had to take him to the loo three times, and the show doesn't even start for over an hour!

Theatreland — realm of tinsel and magic!

Here we are in what Wilson insists on calling 'Theatreland.'

While it's not actually Drury Lane or The Strand — it's Dartford, opposite a closed-down Waitrose supermarket — to him and little Antony it might as well be The West End, or even Broadway, so magical and glittering does it seem!

The show doesn't start for several hours yet, but Wilson wanted to arrive early in order to get a good seat. 

Our tickets are numbered and reserved, so I assume 'getting a good seat' is a euphemism for 'Going to the Bar…'