We go inside The Tunnel...

I have seen quite a few exhibits like The Jersey War Tunnels over the years, but I have to say that this is one of the very best I've ever visited — it really is excellent! 

Wilson is taking everything in, reading every caption, watching every video, even making notes in his guide book. 

This could be quite an extended visit, but I'm not complaining; I'm enjoying every minute here.

Jersey War Tunnels

Here is Wilson posing for a photo on the steps of our hotel before we head off to the Jersey War Tunnels. This is a much-anticipated highlight of our visit for Wilson — he absolutely LOVES tunnels! The War Tunnels are probably the reason that we are in Jersey instead of Worthing!

It might be worth mentioning the politeness of drivers on Jersey — they are preemptively, almost aggressively polite, stopping on busy main roads to let us pull out of a side road, for example.

But here we are at The War Tunnels, where Wilson is almost beside himself with anticipation!

The Glass Church

Today we set off to see Jersey's famous Glass Church.

Wilson had been a bit worried about this, saying that if it had recently been cleaned we might not be able to see anything, or even find it. 

This proved not to be the case. 

We parked the car behind a large white concrete building which, it turned out, actually was the 'glass church'. 

Wilson looked at it scathingly before pointing out the blindingly obvious to me: 'It's not made of glass — it's made of cement! Only the windows are glass… What a gyp!' 

For the rest of the day, whenever we passed a church Wilson would point and say, 'Oh look! Another so-called "glass church" made of cement! The island is full of them!'

Today being my birthday, Wilson gave me a pack of prototype Oddsies! and took me to a beautiful beach-side restaurant in St Brelade's Bay for dinner. 

I must remember to wear my Oddsies! tomorrow when we make our much-anticipated visit to The War Tunnels…

Mont Orgueil Castle

Next on our itinerary was Mont Orgueil Castle. The first thing we saw inside was this magnificent iron knight on horseback. Wilson said he thought we should have something like this in our garden at home and he would look into it. 

Then we came across what I think is called a parterre garden, but W maintained was a maze. He insisted that I stand on a nearby wall so that I could see over the hedges to keep an eye on him and guide him out should he become hopelessly lost. 

Free pass!

After an (extremely) hearty breakfast we made out way to the Jersey Tourist Office, where Wilson bought two Jersey Tourist Passes, which will get us into most of the attractions on the island without charge. 

The first place we visited was the zoo — The Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust. Wilson proudly handed over our visitors' passes and we were ushered in without further payment. 

W is looking after both passes because, as he said, 'You might get overexcited and lose them. I know what you're like, New Dad!'

________________

CHECK THIS OUT! 

June has been a very busy month for Wilson Vermilingua OBE!

I've just uploaded the latest monthly volume of Ant Wars II: June 2013 so you can catch up on anything you've missed.

Please tell all your friends, as it is Wilson's stated ambition for his life story to be, as he puts it, "As Popular as a Summer Holiday in Jersey!". 

You can download it or read it online at:

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon/docs/ant_wars_ii_june_2013

http://issuu.com/friendlydragon

Breakfast

Ant Wars II:

We have a long day ahead of us, so Wilson insisted we have an early and substantial breakfast. 

He was very impressed by our attentive waiters and by the grandeur of our surroundings. Also the vegetarian breakfast options available to him.

I lost count of the number of times he re-visited the breakfast buffet bar, but I think he's eaten enough to last him at least until we see the first ice-cream kiosk!

Photographs of the lovely WILSON are by Tamanduagirl at 

http://www.livingwithanteaters.com/ and are used by kind permission.

We have arrived!

We have arrived in Jersey! 

After booking in to our hotel we had a brief look around St Hellier, when Wilson insisted on phoning his mum, Mrs Vermilingua, from one of the cute and unfamiliar yellow phone boxes. 

Then we returned to our hotel and spent an hour in the bar before retiring to to our room for the night.

Although we're still technically in the UK, Wilson is VERY excited to be 'abroad' for the first time!

We set sail

Once we set sail Wilson soon relaxed and stopped worrying about sinking. 

We went out onto the observation deck, where he posed for this picture. It was VERY windy, so we quickly returned inside where Wilson headed off to Duty Free to buy some gin, the staple ingredient of Ant Gin. 

When he returned he said that it was a bit cheaper, but not much. 

'I think I can buy LiDL's own-brand for less,' he said, 'so that's what I'll do when we get back to England. Unless they've got a LiDL in Jersey, of course.' 

My spirits sank a little at the thought of travelling to a holiday destination then traipsing round a low-end supermarket where the staff shout at you…

We settle down for the trip

Leaving the car we made our way up to the passenger decks and found our seats. 

Wilson was a bit nervous about being sea-sick, or the ferry sinking. 

I gave him a junior aspirin and told him it was a seasickness tablet, then he settled down to read the safety brochure about emergency exits and evacuation procedures.

This might be a long trip.

Departure!

At last, the day of departure dawns! Before going to the Ferry Terminal, we went to the harbour to take a look at the vessel that was to transport us: the mighty Condor Vitesse. 

Wilson didn't think it looked very big and got it into his head that the cars would have to park on the triangular deck at the front — he begged me not to drive over the edge into the sea, and to be sure to put the handbrake on. He also said that perhaps he'd get out of the car before I drove onto the deck at all, 'just in case you do drive over the edge!'

In the event, though, all was well — we drove through massive doors into the car deck, which was as big as a multi-storey car park. Wilson was greatly impressed.

A disturbed night

We were torn from deep sleep at 4.30am by the fire alarm! 

It stopped after thirty seconds or so, and I was content to think it was a false alarm and go back to bed. Wilson, though, had other ideas; he grabbed his (well, my) VISA card and rushed down to reception, where he announced 'I'm not having a Good Night, and nor is my New Dad — I would like to claim my guaranteed refund, please!'

The receptionist was very apologetic, confirmed that it had been a false alarm and refunded the price of our room without question.

Wilson seemed very happy when he returned to our room, punching the air and shouting, 'Result! I may spend our refund in Duty Free on the ferry tomorrow!' 

Then he jumped into his bed and was snoring again within seconds. 

A good night's sleep

Wilson unpacked his 'essentials' then climbed straight in to his bed, saying that he was going to read his Jersey Guidebook and plan our itinerary before settling down. 

Within minutes the book had fallen from his paws and he was snoring contentedly. 

I hope he gets a good night's sleep as he has a big day tomorrow!

Hotel life

Just when I had begun to think that maybe the Jersey holiday was nothing more than a myth, a pretext to get me to drive him from one amusement park to another, we arrived at the Premier Inn in Poole and Wilson announced that we would be stopping here overnight and catching the Jersey Ferry the following day. 

While I took our suitcases from the car, Wilson tried to attract the attention of a bell-hop to carry the luggage up to our room. 

While he has watched Grand Hotel and Separate Tables, even Gold Diggers of 1935 on tv, I suspect this is his first experience of a budget hotel. I hope he's not disappointed by its lack of opulence… and room service.

Bugsy's Roadster

Leaving the fairground area we moved on to the vintage car display. Wilson found this period roadster and declared it to be even cooler than the red Ferrari he'd previously fallen in love with.

He asked me to photograph him standing next to it, cursing that he hadn't brought his Fedora hat with him. 

'I would have looked so Bugsy Malone with this car!' he remarked, and I couldn't disagree. 

What with these constant diversions, I'm sure we're never going to make it to the ferry before dark, but Wilson remains relaxed and has assured me that our next stop will be Poole — gateway to the Channel Islands! 

Reincarnation

Next was a small roundabout ride with aeroplanes — Wilson said it took him back to those happy days before his pilot's licence was revoked. 

I reminded him that he'd never actually had a pilot's licence but he replied with an off-hand 'whatever' and started making very loud airplane engine noises as he took off for a second ride. 

As he whizzed past above my head he called down to me, 'I am like the reincarnation of my Great, Great … Grandfather, the legendary "Blue Baron!"'

Wilson wins a prize!

We were making good time to Poole, Wilson navigating while I drove, and were passing through Christchurch when W suddenly instructed me to take a sharp left into a car park. 

'We're not in Poole yet — why have we stopped?' I asked

W silently pointed to a poster advertising a vintage car show and fun fair in the adjacent park… so naturally, we had to visit it. 

First stop was the Test Your Strength booth, where W's impressive skills with a mallet won him a toy football. 

Something else to find room for in the car…

We're Jersey-bound. Finally.

Following lunch we made our way back to the car, pausing only for Wilson to buy a spare bucket and spade. 

You might be surprised how long it can take to find the 'perfect' bucket and spade, but W is nothing if not a perfectionist, examining the colours in daylight and pretending to dig the shop floor so he could 'test the action.'

I think the shopkeeper was reaching the end of her patience when W finally announced, 'I'll take these, thank you!' passing her the bucket and spade which had first caught his eye in the window before we even entered the shop.

We're now back in the car and about to set off for Poole Harbour, and thence to Jersey. Hurrah!

'Enjoy whatever happens'

I finally dragged Wilson away from the Ferrari showroom and we found somewhere nice for lunch. 

Time was passing, though, and I began to suspect that we wouldn't be in Jersey by this evening. Wilson, however, remains tight-lipped about our schedule, saying that I should just relax and enjoy whatever happens. 

The word 'whatever' troubles me a little...

Dream car...

Having arrived in Lyndhurst, a pretty little village in the heart of the New Forest, we parked up and went in search of lunch. 

It turns out that Lyndhurst is home to a major Ferrari dealership — when we came upon it, Wilson rushed up to the most expensive car on the forecourt and insisted that I photograph him standing next to it. 

'As soon as I'm a millionaire,' he said, 'this is the car I shall have. You can come on holiday in it with me, New Dad, but you're going to have to cut right back on your luggage!'

Photographing W next to his dream car is one thing, but I drew the line when he wanted to go inside and discuss discounts and personalised numberplates with one of the salesmen. Apart from anything else, I was starting to feel very hungry. 

In case you're wondering, he can't decide between WIL50NS and ANT54ME… good to know he's got his priorities right!

We're off!

Wilson has chosen to begin the journey in the back of the car, so he can organise our travel documents. My own research suggested that we wouldn't need passports at any stage, but W has brought them along 'just in case.' I hope the need doesn't arise, because W's passport is just a photocopy of mine with my details Tippexed out and his written in over the top!

Today being Fathers' Day, W gave me a cute home-made card and a CD of Bob Dylan's 1993 album, 'World Gone Wrong' which I shall play on the first leg of our journey from Uckfield to Lyndhhurst in the New Forest, where we shall stop for lunch. 

Since Wilson is in charge of our schedule, I'm expecting a lot of refreshment breaks…